Days + 5 6 7 8 9

These past couple of days have been rough. The effects of chemo are in full swing around here.

On day +5 T did not want to eat much and starting getting a lot of mucus in his throat. You could hear it in his voice, his raspy voice. So they started TPN and Lipids to help him maintain his diet where he is not eating or drinking a whole lot. This goes in his port. This was also the first day that we noticed that his hair was starting to fall out.

Day +6 This was a day were everything just kept happening. It started off by not getting much sleep for me.... T kept waking up like every 1.5 -2 hours in pain and throwing up mucus. It was rough! I pretty much slept in the rocking chair(that is not the best) and holding T. Once morning came I ran my fingers through T's hair and out came a good amount.  I lost it. T has had so much hair since day 1 of his life. And let's be honest, He had some pretty great hair. Ok, ok AMAZING HAIR!  I secretly hoped and prayed he would not lose it! Even though I knew 100% He was going to lose it, it did make it any easier. This is when I realized chemo is in full swing. So we got the clippers out and gave him a nice Buzz. T actually loved it. He has been so itchy also (the pain meds do that and chemo) that we think it felt good to have the clippers running across his head. Today was also the day we started T on a pain pump. (PCA) it gives him a constant pain med and also gives us the option to push a little bit more if we feel like he needs it. I think this has helped a TON! Now don't get me wrong he still has pain but least I don't feel like it gets so bad that we can't handle it.

Day +7 today was a day just like the other days. More mucositis, more pain, more throwing up, even more sleeping AND taking my breast board examinations. I know, I know just to add one more thing to the plate, BUT Hey I passed! I can not believe it's has been 7 DAYS since transplant and 14 days since we started chemo! The days seem so long but then at the same time I feel like time is going pretty fast. Especially when I think about Jeff having to go back to work next week. It's going to be a long week without Jeff here. Thank goodness for family that lives close, I can come visit and give me breaks.

T numbers have continued to drop. On Day +7 the have pretty much dropped so low that they are considering him at zero and at the most risk of infection right now. They will hang out around zero for a but then start the upward trend to engraftment. T pretty much will be sick for probably about in the next week or until we see number start to Trend up and then that's when he will start to feel better.

Day +8 was another rough day for T. The mucositis is horrible thing. The sores are started to bleed and T still doesn't want to eat And pretty much slept all day! We are still having to suck things from T mouth. T also spiked a fever! Worst feeling in the would for me! Fever means infection! Infection can lead to complications. With his number being so low/zero he is so pron to infections. We did blood cultures to see what it is. They also changed some of his anti meds to help kill it quickly. Jeff and I were able to get out last night and going on a dinner date thanks to my sister and brother-in-law.

Day +9 T actually had a good night. But his platelets dropped way low. His mouth sores actually started bleeding today and we had a hard time getting them to stop. We gave him some platelets and it boosted him back up to help the clotting.  He is Still super sleepy today. And still having fevers this morning. His WBC has officially hit zero! So hopefully so we will see them on the rise! I had a rough time this morning. Idk if it was seeing T so miserable or the fact that Jeff is leaving today and I will be by myself or both! Most likely both! T looked really bad this morning and it just broke my heart   On days like today I am grateful for my family and my loving savior! I have had time to reflect, ponder, pray and receive strength. I need to keep remembering that this is just a moment in time! And the end goal will be with it! So today and this week I will enjoy the extra snuggles, the one on one time I have with T and pray like crazy for strength from my heavenly father!

Pictures below! If you are not already crying, don't look below T looks rough and for sure don't watch the video!

****TO TANNER: My boy! You so brave and give me strength but also make me break down and cry! The day I realized chemo was in full swing and I had to shave your head was hard! I loved your HAIR! It was prefect. It took a second to get use to. I actually said at one point You don't look like my baby any more. And it's not that I don't feel that way, it the fact the You are becoming so sick and not your happy, busy self. You still look so handsome tho! And I love your Buzz cut because I think about it now and the next him you have a full head of hair you will be 100% better. I hope I am doing the right thing by you. I hope you won't remember any of this and if you do that you will be grateful for it or forgive me for putting you through this! Lots of love! Mom****

Day +4

The past couple days have been pretty much the same as before. Rough mornings and hard time eating meals followed by happy afternoon/evenings and eating snacks/treats. They say what ever he will eat is what you let him eat. We are not suppose to fight him to eat because they can become more fearful of eating after they are starting to do better. This has help me so much. I was starting to get frustrated by T not eating. He has always been a great eater. He would eat anything I put in front of him but now he won't unless it's his choice and feeling up to it. So I am not longer fighting him and our life has gotten easier and less stress. I not going about worry being put on the TPN (nurtion threw his port) he will go on and the fact that he will probably end up with a feeding tube. I have know all long it was going to happen, i just wanted to hold it off as long as possible. It's not that these 2 ways of feeding are bad. It's just that it's hard to keep your stomach working properly while on these, along with harder to get your stomach back working after but we will cross the hurdle when we come to it.

His numbers are doing what they are suppose to do, dropping, dropping and more dropping.

Yesterday 5.22.2017 Caroline and I were able to go to the zoo together to have some much need mommy and daughter time. Just like last time she loved to see all the animals and ran the each new animal that we were going to see. We watched the bird show they have there. It was pretty amazing. You not only learn about the different birds but they have they birds trained to fly right over your heads. And I am not kidding they were so close that when they flapped their wings it would hit your head! C loved It and would giggle every time one would fly right over us. It was so fun to get out of the hospital and get fresh air and enjoy time with just C. And Jeff and T had fun at the hospital. (Or as much fun as you can have)

Today 5.23.2017 has probably be the one of the hardest days for T. Not wanting to eat much, throwing up, and in pain. It's hard to watch. He will want something to eat but then try and eat it and complain of it hurting in mouth area. He is starting to get more and more phlegm in this throat and mouth and this is what is causing him to throw up. The phlegm is from the sores you develop after chemo in your mouth and all the way down (cheek to cheek on the inside) and also he throws up his oral meds. So all meds are now going through his port but one. And it does not come in IV form. The pain is most noticeable why he is sleeping. It started last night when T was just tossing and turning. We gave him pain meds and it seemed to help to get him threw the night. We tried to give him oral pain meds again this morning, but it came right back up at us. So now his is getting those IV as well.

T has not wanted to do much playing this afternoon. He actually slept all afternoon with more tossing and turning. And kicking and pulling up his legs. You can totally tell his stomach is hurting him and he can not get comfortable. It's so hard to watch. We are trying to be helpful but it's hard to know what do sometimes. But it seems T loves having his back tickled and rubbed just like his mamma. So that what we are doing the most of.

****TO TANNER: My sweet boy! It's been rough seeing you in pain. I hope this is the first of very few days for you. You still gave us some smiles and laughs today to make us feel better. We are trying to help you in every way that we know how. You also have a ton of people praying for you everyday. And more importantly I know our loving savior knows what you are feeling at all times and  is very close to you right now. T when you are reading this later on, I want you to remember that when you are having a hard time or hurting you are not alone. We will always be there for you and more importantly Our savior is right there with open arms waiting for you to ask him for help and to comfort you. And T He Will! He is comforting me and your dad right now during this trail and he is helping us know what to do for you. I love you T! Stay strong in all that you Do! Xoxo Mom!***

Day +1

Tanner is still doing good - He was a little more irritable this morning. Mornings have been rough for T in general, cause right now he can't just wake up on his own. The BMT team wants weight and first set of vitals done before 8AM  - (at home T would usually sleep in till 0830/9) so he usually always get a rude awakening between 730 and 745. And they come in every 4 hours in the night to do vitals as well and so I think he just doesn't sleep all that well. He also seem like something was hurting him the morning so We gave him some pain meds and that seem to calm him down a bit. And he finally got in a better mood- even more after his nap! The doctors came in and are taken T off of fluid for a bit just so see how he does - I feel that he is so water heavy and this will be a great thing for us. T is still struggling to eat the food we order him. But he love to munch on snacks, which usually are gold fish, moon pie, chocolate, and pudding. I am hoping being off of fluids with also help with eating. So with being off fluids, T was able to move about his room freely and he enjoyed every minute of it. Jeff got back this later this after noon (he went home to Rhonda's funeral) and just came right in and played with T. I think T was happy to finally have someone else to play with beside just mom. And lets me honest - Jeff does A LOT more playing with our kids then I do and they love it. Now don't get me wrong, I play with the kids but I also feel like I should be doing a million other things I have on my To Do list and Jeff can just turn that To Do List off in his  head or maybe he just dosen't let it show. I am so happy Jeff is finally feeling better and come back in and help with T. It was a long week without him but i know it was best for T for him to stay away.

So From here we just keep waiting! T's body is actually still working out the chemo and getting rid of all his old stuff while working on the new stuff. THIS IS NORMAL! So we still have hard days ahead but we hope we get happy's days, like today, over the next while as well.

**** TO TANNER: Thank you for making today a Great day for us! You helped me become happy while I was sad about saying bye to Aunt Rhonda.  Sorry we may have had our hard moments while eating. You probably have sores in you mouth or just no taste buds and I just don't realize it. You are still one of the cutest kids on the floor. And that is even coming from the nurses. I love you Tanner Boy! Thanks for Being strong, happy, and brave! ****

Here are some Pictures of our Fun Day!

 T loved playing in the Bubbles!! Thanks Aunt Hil for the Bubble Machine, I have a feeling it will be a life savor!

TRANSPLANT DAY! Day 0

Can i just start by saying how amazing it is to write those words as the Title!!! As I sit down to write this post, I reflect on the events of today and as I have see all the love and support of those around us, tears just start to roll down my face. (I have not cried all week, so i guess its about time) Today was not only a day that T got his transplant but also my sister was able to take her baby home and to finally have their family be all together again. This brought me so much Joy that He is doing so well. I cant wait to get out there and see him! And it was also the viewing of our Dear Sweet Aunt Rhonda! We love her so much and will miss her dearly!

T did awesome all day - he did throw up this morning, but most likely due to the meds he was given.  He had lots of visitors, which ment lots of playing! The transplant went very smooth - it did take about 4 hours for it to completely empty but we just played, talked and had visitors. The transplant process is confusing to lots of people, so i did a live video on FB of how it works. I am not the greatest at those things, and for sure no doctor to explain it correctly but i think everyone understood. Just in case here is a quick summary. We had to do chemo to kill T's bone marrow because his WBC did not work properly. We can not just kill the WBC just cause it does not work that way. The donor under went her surgery yesterday 5.18.2017. They were able to get a good collection from her. It was then sent to the lab for testing and to make it just like a blood transfusion.  So that is pretty much how it worked, a bag of marrow goes in T's port line. From here his body will circulate that marrow through out his body and into his bones. This is were his body will take the new marrow and start to reproduce it! Once T his a certain level "the magic number" that is when they consider engraffment. (The New cells start to grow and make healthy blood stem cells that show up in T's blood)

Today was a BEAUTIFUL Day for a Transplant. Thanks for all the love and support given to us this day! We loved seeing everyone pictures. Here are some (OK A TON) of pictures from today. But it was such a good day to not take a MILLION Pictures.


****TO TANNER: Hey Buddy! Thanks for being so brave today! You loved having the attention and playing with everyone. Although you did not want to smile very much for pictures because you loved watching everyone else smiling for the pictures. Dr. Shyr is very happy with the donation you received today. Everyone is in love with how cute you are! You have some amazing Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins that love you very much and supporting you every step of the way.****

T's Amazing Doctor!

Some of you are probably wondering why Jeff has a mask on - Well just to top off this past week - Jeff got Pneumonia! He stayed away all week got some shots and drugs to get better for Today - T is just so at risk we are just taking all precautions for a while. 

 Playing - Waiting to get started! 

Dr. and NP

Helping T get all his new toys!

The Bone Marrow

ALL DONE! 

WE LOVE THESE TWO!!!!!