Days + 5 6 7 8 9

These past couple of days have been rough. The effects of chemo are in full swing around here.

On day +5 T did not want to eat much and starting getting a lot of mucus in his throat. You could hear it in his voice, his raspy voice. So they started TPN and Lipids to help him maintain his diet where he is not eating or drinking a whole lot. This goes in his port. This was also the first day that we noticed that his hair was starting to fall out.

Day +6 This was a day were everything just kept happening. It started off by not getting much sleep for me.... T kept waking up like every 1.5 -2 hours in pain and throwing up mucus. It was rough! I pretty much slept in the rocking chair(that is not the best) and holding T. Once morning came I ran my fingers through T's hair and out came a good amount.  I lost it. T has had so much hair since day 1 of his life. And let's be honest, He had some pretty great hair. Ok, ok AMAZING HAIR!  I secretly hoped and prayed he would not lose it! Even though I knew 100% He was going to lose it, it did make it any easier. This is when I realized chemo is in full swing. So we got the clippers out and gave him a nice Buzz. T actually loved it. He has been so itchy also (the pain meds do that and chemo) that we think it felt good to have the clippers running across his head. Today was also the day we started T on a pain pump. (PCA) it gives him a constant pain med and also gives us the option to push a little bit more if we feel like he needs it. I think this has helped a TON! Now don't get me wrong he still has pain but least I don't feel like it gets so bad that we can't handle it.

Day +7 today was a day just like the other days. More mucositis, more pain, more throwing up, even more sleeping AND taking my breast board examinations. I know, I know just to add one more thing to the plate, BUT Hey I passed! I can not believe it's has been 7 DAYS since transplant and 14 days since we started chemo! The days seem so long but then at the same time I feel like time is going pretty fast. Especially when I think about Jeff having to go back to work next week. It's going to be a long week without Jeff here. Thank goodness for family that lives close, I can come visit and give me breaks.

T numbers have continued to drop. On Day +7 the have pretty much dropped so low that they are considering him at zero and at the most risk of infection right now. They will hang out around zero for a but then start the upward trend to engraftment. T pretty much will be sick for probably about in the next week or until we see number start to Trend up and then that's when he will start to feel better.

Day +8 was another rough day for T. The mucositis is horrible thing. The sores are started to bleed and T still doesn't want to eat And pretty much slept all day! We are still having to suck things from T mouth. T also spiked a fever! Worst feeling in the would for me! Fever means infection! Infection can lead to complications. With his number being so low/zero he is so pron to infections. We did blood cultures to see what it is. They also changed some of his anti meds to help kill it quickly. Jeff and I were able to get out last night and going on a dinner date thanks to my sister and brother-in-law.

Day +9 T actually had a good night. But his platelets dropped way low. His mouth sores actually started bleeding today and we had a hard time getting them to stop. We gave him some platelets and it boosted him back up to help the clotting.  He is Still super sleepy today. And still having fevers this morning. His WBC has officially hit zero! So hopefully so we will see them on the rise! I had a rough time this morning. Idk if it was seeing T so miserable or the fact that Jeff is leaving today and I will be by myself or both! Most likely both! T looked really bad this morning and it just broke my heart   On days like today I am grateful for my family and my loving savior! I have had time to reflect, ponder, pray and receive strength. I need to keep remembering that this is just a moment in time! And the end goal will be with it! So today and this week I will enjoy the extra snuggles, the one on one time I have with T and pray like crazy for strength from my heavenly father!

Pictures below! If you are not already crying, don't look below T looks rough and for sure don't watch the video!

****TO TANNER: My boy! You so brave and give me strength but also make me break down and cry! The day I realized chemo was in full swing and I had to shave your head was hard! I loved your HAIR! It was prefect. It took a second to get use to. I actually said at one point You don't look like my baby any more. And it's not that I don't feel that way, it the fact the You are becoming so sick and not your happy, busy self. You still look so handsome tho! And I love your Buzz cut because I think about it now and the next him you have a full head of hair you will be 100% better. I hope I am doing the right thing by you. I hope you won't remember any of this and if you do that you will be grateful for it or forgive me for putting you through this! Lots of love! Mom****